White privilege is finding your name on a Coke bottle
It hurt like hell but oh god,
I loved you.
I don’t anymore.
That fact still surprises me;
When I find my mind conjuring your image after weeks of forgetting,
I feel nothing in my chest
And my mind quickly skips to someone else, somewhere else, sometime in the future.
Then the feeling is in my stomach,
But this time it’s an optimism -
Reaching, yearning for what is to come.
I have found a way to live without you.
I have found proof that pain is not permanent.
I have found out how good I am at surviving.
It’s ok to miss them from time to time. Just remember why you left. Things that sometimes warm the heart can also poison the spirit.
When I was talking to Andy last night, I was telling her about the next big purchase I want to make (a pair of Birkenstocks) and she laughed so loud and long and in between her laughing, exclaimed “Birkenstocks! Oh lord, what have I hitched my wagon on to!?”
Oh man, I haven’t been able to talk to Andy over the phone in like three days because of how iffy her service is at her campsites. She was able to call me for a few minutes while I was closing tonight and talking to her for those 15 minutes was like…everything. Literally can not wait for the next nine days to go by because I am too ready to be wrapped up in her again.
Goddess bless the people who don’t say “so what have you been up to!” when you run into them for the first time in a very long time
Whenever things in my basket on the urban outfitters site is bought out before I decide to purchase them, I take it as a sign that I was just being frivolous and didn’t actually need those things.
You know what I really dislike? How I was working tonight and this girl that I work with, who I don’t really seek out for conversation because reasons, comes over and starts telling me how she’s going to New York as I’m processing a return. So obviously when people say stuff like that to you out of midair, they just want someone/anyone to listen to them brag for a sec. I smile and say “how cool” and she goes on to tell me how it’s her first PAID vacation (she made sure to stress that) and how her dad is giving her a $1000 just because and she gets to go to NY for a week, all paid for because somebody she knows has a place and she can crash and just…ugh. Over it. If I don’t know anything about you besides your first name, please don’t come to me to tell me how everything is right in the world for you currently. Especially when the best thing to happen to me all day was my meal at La Fonda and the fact that I got 3 grape jolly ranchers from the post office.
If that makes me a hater, so be it.